Your Trauma Isn’t Your Fault — But Your Healing Is Your Power

“Your trauma is not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility.” – Charlamagne tha God

When I think back to my childhood in Suriname, I come up blank when I search for happy memories. Every image, every flashback, is tied to a moment of fear, shame, or pain.

For a long time, I thought something was wrong with me; like I was broken for not remembering joy.

But over time, I’ve come to understand something profound: it’s not that I had no joy. It’s that my nervous system, in survival mode, chose to prioritise what threatened me. My brain held onto what it believed I needed to remember to stay safe.

That realisation changed everything. It taught me that healing isn’t about blame, it’s about reclaiming power.

We Carry More Than Just Our Own Pain

I used to think I was the only one who carried a childhood like that. One with so few light memories that you begin to question if joy was ever even possible.

But in speaking with other women, I realised: this experience is painfully common.

And research backs this up. Studies show that childhood trauma disproportionately affects Black and Brown communities, and that intergenerational trauma, especially rooted in colonisation, poverty, or systemic neglect, shapes the way we remember and relate to our past.

A 2018 study published in the Journal of Child & Adolescent Trauma found that women of colour are more likely to experience and internalise childhood trauma, and less likely to have access to healing resources.

We aren’t just remembering our own pain. Many of us are carrying the echoes of our mothers’ and grandmothers’ unspoken stories.

The good news is that healing is collective, too. When one of us chooses to face our pain, we create space for others to do the same.

This is why I created FaceHER — to show women that many of us share the same experiences, and that if we are brave enough to face the shadow sides of ourselves, together we can heal and learn not just to live with them, but to live through them.

You Are Not Broken — You Are Healing

Maybe you relate to this. You try to recall childhood, and what comes up is pain. You wonder why your brain won’t let you forget. Or maybe, why it did.

Both are valid. Some of us remember everything, because our brains locked into survival mode and made us hyperaware. Others remember nothing, because the brain shielded us from pain that felt unbearable.

Either way, here’s what I want you to know: you are not broken. Your brain did what it had to do to protect you.

But protection isn’t healing. And now that you’re safe(r), the healing is in your hands.

Gentle Ways to Begin Your Healing Journey

Journal your memories — not just what happened, but how it made you feel.

Work with a trauma-informed coach or therapist.

Practice self-regulation techniques — breathwork, tapping, somatic movement.

Connect with others who share your story. Healing in community is powerful.

You don’t have to do it all at once. You just have to begin. Because your trauma is not your fault. But your healing? That’s your power.

Have you noticed how your body or memories have protected you from pain? How are you beginning to reclaim your story today?